I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
