Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
