im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
