the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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