I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
