Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
