This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
