I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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