Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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