think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
