i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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