I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
