Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drunk is a universal language darling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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