If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
