somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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