Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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