Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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