did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
