I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
