Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
