Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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