You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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