I will die if light touches me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize