guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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