One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
