he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
