He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
