i permit you to call me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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