I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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