I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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