if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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