mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
