HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
