As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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