I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
