That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize