i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
