Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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