so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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