So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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