I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
