ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
