Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
there is glitter all over my balls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
