I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
