On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
