My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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