the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize