why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
