I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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