Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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