am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
