so explain again why im purple
no
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
