The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
