You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
