Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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