thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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