i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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