you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
