I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
