Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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