This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
