true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
In America we eat man semen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
