dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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