don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
